is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
