I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
