I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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