i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
