So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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