I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
