You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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