Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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