Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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