All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
