took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
