I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
