Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
