did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
