3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They have beer where we have blood.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
