I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
