Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
