So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In other news, I just burned my penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
