I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
