I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
