you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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