I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
