Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
