don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
