Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
