I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
