i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
