Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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