Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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