Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
