i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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