Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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