He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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