dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
