Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
