At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
