piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
