Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
