used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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