Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
