I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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