Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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