yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
