getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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