if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was like eating out sand paper
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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