some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
