I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
