There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
