You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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