I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
