We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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