Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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