You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
