Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wear drunk well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
