i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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